Truthfully, this is done in two parts: inner work and outer work. Depending on the type of person you are, you may decide which approach works best for you. An extrovert often seeks answers from their outside world, while an introvert will do the opposite. This does not mean that the extrovert will only do outer superficial work, but rather that they will get the answers the require faster through their various extroverted patterns. The same goes for the introvert. An introverts inner world is just that. It could be in their room, their minds, or even just within their chosen tribe. All the same, the methods differ from person to person, but -
At the end of the day the point of trying to recognise a shadow in play is so that we may understand our inner beings on a higher level.
So, how do we do this? We ask questions, we examine, we ask more questions, we take note, we stay committed and we practise.
Most people get stuck at the “take note” stage, and while that is a big step - it simply isn’t enough for the journey.
To recognise your shadow in play, here are some questions we can ask ourselves:
How am I feeling right in this moment?
Has my energy shifted today? And how often.
What caused this?
Was it a direct trigger or something unrelated that triggered something else within me? (your being vs. you shadow)
How did I act? (over defensive, verbal abuse, gossip, violence, cowering away, tantrums, overcompensation, heightened guard up, induced numbness/escapism, negative self talk etc.)
What did I hope to achieve by acting that way? (the more specific, the better)
How does how I acted make me feel? (this difference will let you know if it was a shadow in play or if it came from a genuine place)
Do I wish I acted differently (swallow your pride and answer honestly)
What do I wish I did differently? And why.
What will I do differently?
How will I remain committed to this intention? (accountability to doing more shadow work)
Take note of your results and adjust accordingly.
As soon as you are done examining yourself (thoughts, emotions, patterns) lean to forgive yourself. Recognise that you are wounded and that your triggers are not your fault. Recognise the fact that your shadow only comes out to play as a way of self preservation ~ of your pride and of your ego. All the things you find that you did and/or said to keep the pain away are a mechanism you created to keep yourself from feeling the pain that lives inside you.
Forgiving yourself is an important step to working with your shadow ~
You will have to do it time and again and it requires an immense amount of self love and appreciation. I’d recommend journaling your findings every time you find a new trigger and listening to daily mantras and affirmations as much as you can until you start to believe them. I personally do this every night before I go to sleep and it works wonders for me. See love rituals are KEY to the self soothing process, especially those as intense as this. My next post will be about that, so keep an eye out :)
After you have taken the necessary steps to forgive yourself of these things, it is important that you recognise that you are responsible for how you act . You may not be the cause of your triggers, but you however are responsible for how you react to them. Your feelings may be valid, but your words and actions in regard to those feelings may not be. Most people puke word vomit and say the most vile things that they don’t usually mean that end up hurting others around them without them even knowing it. This causes unrest and even ends relationships because by dong this other shadows may be triggered and now it’s a fight. it’s important to create boundaries WITHIN yourself to avoid this because not everyone has them. This means, THINK before you act/speak. Even darker shadows will go as far as mental and emotional abuse, physical abuse and worst case scenario - murder. I don’t think any of us would like our dark side to consume us that intensely and let it take control of the wheel that is the journey of our lives.
Hurt people, hurt people - including ourselves. And as cliche as this saying may be - it speaks VOLUMES.
So, if we want to avoid bringing more hurt into the world - do your part. Commit to it and be intentional about it every step of the way. Take accountability for your actions, call your shadow out and listen to it. Let it guide you to the hidden depths of your soul. There is where the answers lie.
Again, if you have a tribe or community of friends who you can do this with (even if its just one person), please do it together. Why maintain shallow/superficial relationships anyway? Life’s too short! And as I will continue to say in every post, a therapist/coach/shaman/guru etc is best to work with for such intense work. You don’t have to do it alone, but if you must - feel free to reach out to me, I would be more than happy to help ♥️
Kindly share with your loved ones too, it would mean a lot to me!
Stay gracious my loves, remember that I love you ✨