In part 1, I talked about the vitality of treating mental and emotional wounds with the same if not more severity as physical ones; what the start of the journey may feel like, why we should be able to detect these wounds but don’t and finally some of the foundations required during these processes. In this second part I want to talk about how the need for healing can trigger an existential crisis by way of unlearning things and how to move through these confusing waters.
Now you’re aware that you have a wound, you’ve began to treat it & are cautious enough to protect yourself and not do it again.
So what next?
UNLEARNING~
Unlearning can either be incredibly liberating or incredibly belittling depending on the type of person you are. For me it was a little bit of both but mostly liberating because I just like knowing shit 😅 therefore I was mostly amused. I will however try to cover both extreme-ties how I best can.
According to psychology, unlearning is the process by which we break the origins of our thoughts, attitudes, behaviours, feelings and biases of the past. If you are someone who has led a life without questioning the way things work, then the existential crisis here will be rough and extremely delicate. Unlearning requires a lot of vulnerability (especially within yourself) to admit that you might have been wrong about something and that you would like to shift that perspective by being open to other formulas.
Do you have an open mind?
Healing and unlearning are lessons no one should ever have to go through alone and as I’ve previously mentioned it gets tough. Cultivating community is key to learning the ropes and I really cannot emphasise this enough! A support system is good for the bad days, and makes the good days more divine - 2020 has definitely shown us that. But if I’m being honest self love is imperative too.
Remember that the major ingredients here are love and gentleness*
Two people could be going through very similar situations but how they choose to go about them can totally differ even when applying the same strategies. When deciding on what it is you need to heal and unlearn as an adult from your childhood, you realise that there’s a lot to unpack, and as we do this 3 main recipes to construct come to mind: Patience, Acceptance and Forgiveness. These three meals basically show us the different ways in which we can let go of anything - expectations, entitlements, the past, people, things and an array of varying situations. This creates an objective perspective on life and the situations that you are trying to get away from.
What if you just:
forgave yourself?
forgave others? Your friends? Your family? Whoever?
let go of control and expectations?
accept the fact that you fucked up?
finally acknowledged that nothing stays the same?
accept that you’ll never get that apology?
let go of your pride and ego?
trust life and let it surprise you?
let love lead the way?
Many have been taught that “keeping our problems to ourselves lessens the burden of the situation”, when it quite literally does the opposite (when expressed to the right people). The mind has a way of tricking us into making us feel undeserving of basic emotional necessities such as forgiveness and acceptance. You can begin by intentionally finding ways to do this for yourself by purging the noise out either by: journaling, drawing, singing, crafting, creating or painting something that will accurately articulate how/what you’re feeling inside. The less vague, the better. If you have no community to do this with (yet) this will prepare you for it as you also earn extra points for self love and care.
USE THAT THROAT CHAKRAAAAA BABYYY!!! 💙💎💙
While you're there you should also take note of:
where, when and how you learnt these things that no longer serve you
how they make you feel once you realised them and how you did prior
how they affect your day to day life and the larger scale of things
what you want to shift and hope to achieve by reorganising your patterns
what new ways you can practise these new lessons (small scale and larger scale)
who you can practise and (possibly) relapse with to keep yourself accountable but also safe ♥️
Remember that these are just the first steps into becoming a better you, so be patient with yourself as you try to realign. Learn to look at your life objectively and detach yourself from any expectations that you may have. Take your life for what it is and not what it could have been. The past is in the past and it cannot be changed, however the future still can if you focus on the precious present moments that are building towards it.
And with that I will leave a quote -
“If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.“ — Masaru Emoto
Stay gracious my loves 🦚✨
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