In case you haven't already read the about section of this website, then here is where I let you know that I am a self proclaimed self-improvement junkie. I have chosen to live my life like this for a good number of reasons, one of them being the simple belief that I am in control of my own destiny.
When I started my spiritual journey about 7 years ago I was in a lot of pain and generally doing really bad internally. My usual (and admittedly sometimes still) go to reaction would be to numb myself from the exhausting emotions and keep it moving: but this particular kind of pain was stronger than what my emotional self sabotage could handle. Therefore, I had to learn HOW TO DEAL. In this journey of forced introspection, I came across a pyramid that would show up in almost all my liberation-seeking research and that would eventually change my life for good. It holds many titles and you may have come across it on the inter-webs:
The reason I came across this pyramid in the first place was the fact that I knew I needed to makes some internal changes ~ to be more in tune with myself (mentally and emotionally) in order to 'fix' what was broken inside. I was AWARE of the fact that I couldn't deal with what I needed to deal with because I truly didn't know what lay in there. I quickly learnt that by repeatedly avoiding my inner emotions I was giving them control OVER MY LIFE and that this led to the constant self- sabotaging cycles that I was happily participating in.
I hated this, but I never quite hated myself for it.
So in the guise of this new found self awareness and growing curiosity of what and how much I truly knew my (inner) self, I naturally ended up taking on the next steps into self exploration and discovery as per the pyramid.
PS: This pyramid process never ends, and for me the exploration-discovery bit continues to be the most fun 💫
Self-exploration and self-discovery are not necessarily the same thing, but they do go hand in hand. Self exploration is like looking through a list of new restaurants, visiting them and trying out their menu never knowing what to expect, while self discovery is the moment in which you FIND something amongst the new restaurants that resonates with your taste. However, the difference between you and an inanimate restaurant is that you will have to stick around and keep measuring the flavours of your inner soul-spirit that you'll discover you don't fancy so much after all and that you'll have to keep tweaking until you're fully satisfied with the results (kind of like alchemy), especially if you're the type who suffers from severe self loathing and would like to transmute.
The thing about this path and tuning into your true self is that not only will you find your charms and strengths, but also your flaws and weaknesses.
So, be ready!
You'll also soon find that you want to change these 'negative' aspects about yourself and only focus on the 'positive' ones. Don't, that's a sham. You'll only take yourself back to step one; but if you do find yourself there, fear not ~ growth is a long winding road. Backsliding is normal as long as you find your way back out.
This is what the journey is for.
As you come to terms with what you are discovering about yourself and your surroundings, you'll also realise what traits are true to you, and which ones are by-products of human conditioning. You may even find that some of these conditionings were self inflicted by way of attaining various copying mechanisms, like myself and mastering the art of emotional numbing. It'll take a while and probably years for you to learn how to work perfectly with your intuition (even though you're a natural intuitive) to be able to know what characteristics are authentic to you and those that aren't. Through this you will attract beings and create ecosystems that are aligned with the real you. Call it a tribe.
I've found that instead of trying to change your flaws and your weaknesses, you can instead TRANSCEND them by taking time to understand yourself. I promise you at some point they will even feel like superpowers. Why? Because you finally gain some control over these powerful forces and align them towards your highest potential - it's a grip on what your inner self looks like, why you do things the way you do, why you don't, why you keep finding yourself in the same cycles, why you are more drawn to certain things and not others, accepting these things, taking accountability for them, and so on and so forth.
I sometimes like to describe myself as a 'living breathing paradox'. ALWAYS CONTRADICTING MY DAMN SELF!!!
I cannot begin to explain how isolating it feels when no one understands how you operate, including yourself. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't exactly an outcast, but some of the things I did were left of what I was 'expected' to do and definitely had people around me questioning my abstract ways. The only reason things were viewed this way was because of societal conditioning and I have a knack for doing the opposite of what society says.
My personality is like that of two opposite ends of a spectrum in continuous harmonious ebbs and flows. I never quite understood why two opposite things could not co-exist at the same time while they thrived within me and my world in unison. Duality has never really been my thing. In fact it's always been something I avoided since I was a kid. I always used to wonder why people made things so difficult for themselves by assuming everything had to be so black and white? It's such a limited way of expressing our complex natures.
So, it was by way of understanding myself through the foundation of aware-explore-discover, that I was able to pour more love into myself with much needed and much required patience. I am able to pour the selfless love I usually pour into others almost all the way back into myself - this took me about 5 years to master. For me it was tuning into my 'hippie' side that opened the doors to my liberated higher state. You name it, I did it. Starting right off a YouTube page called Spirit Science. I quickly then dove deep into astrology and discovered numerology alongside it. I did the personality tests, I rediscovered all my hobbies and recovered all my passions and talents. I read about love languages, discovered my attachment style and steadily unveiled all my past traumas. I learnt what chakras are, what they mean and how they affect my everyday life. How powerful the mind is and how so much of our pain is retained through our own self inflicting ways ~ I also discovered that my mental health hadn't always been in the best place. I taught myself how to meditate, how to create boundaries, the meaning of reciprocity, how to trust my intuition and how to independently ignite my own path. I wanted to be healed and I wanted to be completely done with all the gunk that was in my way. I was tired of just existing and wanted to feel alive again through and through. I was no longer going to be a victim of my past experiences and I wasn't going to feel guilty of them either. I opened all those boxes and begun to constantly and INTENTIONALLY take back control of my life. To this moment, I am still harnessing all my inner power (and strength) in order to MANIFEST THE VISION I have for me and my life. My focus and sense of self-determination to STAY IN TUNE with my reality has what has kept me going all this time. Dying and being reborn again and again (self-transformation), transcending by breaking through each time until it get's easier and almost like child's play (constant ego death into self-mastery) is the ultimate mission.
It get's harder before it gets easier...
Your path doesn't have to look like mine, and nor should it. We are not meant to be the same. My journey to the top of this hypothetical pyramid by way of re-connecting to the deepest parts of myself (mind, body, soul, spirit) has taken me 7 long exhausting, yet exhilarating and liberating years!
Still, the fun has just begun 😭🤸🏾♀️🙆🏾♀️💫💘💚💜⚡
Being in tune with yourself and your reality is one of the greatest tests to humanity and one of the highest achievements to attain in this plane of existence. You know they want us numb, distorted and asleep. I don't know about you, but I don't like being controlled - especially against my own will to be on a whack ass, lame ass, zombie ass path.
We manifest what we focus on, and that is why I am emphasising on true inner alignment so that you can manifest what you KNOW is true and necessary for you, your soul and your path.
Stay gracious 🦚✨
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